|You said you speak from your heart but your hearts all gone...
||[Nov. 21st, 2011|04:10 pm]
This could apply to many things but today it mostly applies to my grandma. Let me explain..
My grandma passed away last night. She was a angel, a saint. Like seriously. This amazing woman never said a mean word about anyone. She was so considerate and compassionate it. Always willing to help you out if you needed it, always willing to try something new go someonewhere different. I spent alot of time with her in the past 2 years. Well since I moved to Michigan. I was hoping to go spend time with her this spring but that isn't going to happen. I am glad I got to spend more time with her. We did not see her alot growing up because it turns out my mother is a super controlling crazy fucking bitch. Now that I am able I wanted to spend as much time with her to make up for it. Its almost like i had to attone for sins I didn't commit. Thats not really it either but I tried, i really did. When I was pregnant I spent a whole month up north with her. Just cause I could. This summer we saw here for a week up north, I was suppose to go an see her again but she got sick and had to come down to Troy. I went at least once a week to see her, sometimes more. I had the feeling that the last time I saw her would be the last. That sucked, I cried the whole hour drive back to our house. Grandma was so sweet with Kati. She was the first person kati ever feel asleep on during the day rocking in a chair. It was so cute. i have a picture but I wish it wasn't so blurry. I do have a few other cute pictures. But I don't want pictures I want her.
I feel like my heart is gone. I guess not gone, hiding, mending? Whatever it is, its not here. Im sad, lonely, heartbroken. She was such an amazing woman.
Why is it the few people in the world who truely care about me have to leave? Why is it so hard to have friends and family that are honest.